


On The Line

by Loveismyrevolution



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Background Case, FTH 2021, Fandom Trumps Hate, John Watson Doesn't Mind, M/M, Phone Sex, Sexting, Sherlock Homes Is The Worst Ever Phone Sex Operator, Texting, They'll meet eventually, and then the sex won't require any involvements of phones anymore, do not copy to any other site, humor and smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 01:54:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30014313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loveismyrevolution/pseuds/Loveismyrevolution
Summary: 5 times John Watson calls a phone sex hotline and 1 time he doesn't have to.
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 32
Kudos: 57
Collections: Fandom Trumps Hate 2021





	On The Line

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Idontmind](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idontmind/gifts).



> Dear readers,
> 
> This story was brought to you thanks to the amzingly lovely Idontmind. Thank you so much again for bidding on me! And for the fabulous prompt!! Writing it is a blast!!!
> 
> Well, the fic is what it says on the tin. I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.  
> 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which John Watson is tired of polishing his gun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Idontmind chose to have the story posted as a WIP, so here you go with chapter one. Chapter two is already in the making and in total there will be six — obviously... *Sherlockian eyeroll, Watsonworthy chuckle*
> 
>  _Oh yes, and one immensely important note:_ The advertisement that catches John’s eye in this chapter is a real, functional ad! **I DID NOT MAKE IT UP!!**!!! It wasn’t me! I just copied and pasted! I didn’t actually check it out, but if you do let me know how it went! *wink wink*
> 
> Now, have fun! Thank you all for being here!
> 
> Sending you lots of love,  
> me xxx

With a sigh John dropped his gun on the table along with the cloth he was using to polish it. For more than two months now this was his daily routine; ever since he moved into this colourless, meaningless, depressing bedsit. Since he had come back from his deployment, invalided and useless, nothing ever happened to him. 

Day in day out, his life was like being stuck on Groundhog Day — wake up from nightmares, get up, get something to eat, most likely not eat, take a walk, try to read, can’t read, try to write his blog, can’t write it, watch some telly, be bored, maybe eat something, most likely not, clean his gun, wonder if this life was worth living anyway, not having the guts to end it yet, have a drink, go to bed, maybe have a wank, most likely not, have a nightmare, wake up...over and over again.

This couldn't be it though, could it? He couldn’t go on like this, otherwise he would grow old until he’d retire, and all he would have left would be the loving relationship with his left hand. No, he had to take matters in hand. Although, not in the way he usually did...

He had to connect with another human being.

Great. Good plan, Watson. But...how? It’s not as if he had a sparkling circle of acquaintances and friends left. So, he would have to go out and score somewhere else. Problem was — the days of his youth long gone, the night life of London’s underbelly not quite the same anymore, he didn't even know where to go. And even _if_ he’d find a suitable club...then what? It had been so long since he had to chat up someone that he felt uncomfortably out of practice. Sweet talk? Never. Innuendos? Ha. Seducing? Never heard of. What even were women? Alien species? 

All that was left in his head was war. War, war and more war. And he highly doubted his trauma would be an enticing subject for verbal foreplay — “Hey, want to polish my gun?” wouldn't be quite the appealing pick up line, he gathered. Apparently, not only his gun had gotten rusty...

However, even in the unlikely case his abhorrent dating skills proved to be successful... What could he offer? Bringing someone over _here_? Not happening! Cock-block-atmosphere at its finest... He couldn't afford a hotel room for a night either. And... “Hey honey, where do you want to go? Your place or your place?” Honestly? No way! 

Also, in all other aspects regarding him and his life, there wasn't much to be desired. He wasn't even sure he’d be able to...perform. Thus, club and chat up was definitely ruled out. The only other option though was... a brothel? Sex for money? He’d have to kindly ask for a discount shag considering his meagre army pension. Not sure if it would even be enough to finish a quick blow job. It wasn't even worth going out and hitting the streets for some halfhearted licks up his prick. Then better retreat to his well trained left hand... For that though, he might use some inspiration other than the predictable porn he usually made use of.

He flipped the lid of his laptop open, closing the tab of his empty blog, debating with himself for a fleeting moment, but in the end he entered “phone sex London” into the search bar. 

Blown away, although not literally, by the sheer amount of options John scrolled the seemingly never-ending list of phone numbers. He read about horny housewives and greedy grannies and his motivation as well as some for the intended activities crucially needed body parts were shrinking more and more the longer it took. He was about to abandon the idea all together, when he spotted a small ad squeezed into the lowest corner of the currently opened website.

  
  


**Explore Your Kinky Bisexual Fantasies With Our Phone Sex Girls**

**0909 860 3139**

_(Calls Cost 36p Per Minute Plus access charge)*_

  
  


Well...that didn't sound too bad, right? He clicked on it for further information.

_2 Girls And You, You, A Girl Plus Another Guy - Whatever the combination - Get Off With Our Nasty Bisexual Phone Sex Girls_

_Its all about the pleasure with bisexual sex, it's not about emotions or gender, just about what feels good. As men, you are programmed to thing that touching another guys cock while you lick a hot sweet pussy is wrong, but when adults come togeather for pleasure, nothing is wrong... if it feels good, then it's right._

_You can call our girls right now and start talking about the crazy threesomes or foursomes you want to have, there's every chance that your phone sex partner will have had some first hand experiences in such sexual encounters. Maybe she'll tell you how she wants to have another man suck you off while you lick her out? Maybe you just want to watch and wank as she makes out with her girlfriend and it gets hotter and hotter._

_Whatever you want, your first step is to call our line. We're here for you 7 days, 24 hours so whenever the mood takes you, we will give you what you want and more._

_Call Us - Live 121 Phone Sex:_

_0909 860 3139_

  
  


Hmmm, apart from the more than awful, cringeworthy grammar and spelling — which he admittedly probably won't care about at a later point anyway — this sounded quite...uhm...promising. No risks taken, no strings attached. No one would be any the wiser...

Clearing his throat, his cock already pretty invested in the idea, he picked up the phone. Working through a slightly off-putting dial menu, he was suddenly asked to choose his desired partner. "Press #1 for your neighbourly naughty girl. Press #2 for the handsome hot guy from next door. Make your choice, get it all — side bi side." Funny them... John almost hung up again but pondered that the person on the other end of the line only had to do their job and that was it. No need for sophisticated conversation. For a moment he hesitated. Should he really...? Would it be what he imagined?

Oh, screw it — quite literally. Or rather, imaginary. What did it matter anyway? Some anonymous bloke who didn't know him and whom he'd never have to hear again in his life... Nothing to lose apart from a couple of pennies. And if it turned out to be a disaster, it wouldn't be his first half hearted wank lately. He'd survive one more. Probably. 

Before he could change his mind he quickly punched in option #2 and waited nervously until the line was picked up not much later — and was completely taken aback. 

"This is the ludicrous sex telephone number for bisexuals. You’re speaking with Scott. At your service. What is your concern?" he was greeted by a silky deep but monotone and apparently pretty bored voice. 

"At my service?" was what came out in a high pitched voice after John had found it back after being stunned into silence. "That sounds like you're serving the queen." he huffed incredulously. 

"Well, I'd prefer she'd restrain from calling. Not really my area." the slightly less bored voice rumbled. "Although, it would make for some interesting and at times pretty useful information. But no, if I can help it I refuse to be at her majesty's service all together. Unless that's what you desire to indulge in for your...whatever you've called for." 

"No," John barked out a laugh. "Rest assured, no need to serve the queen for me. That would be more my area anyway, I guess." He chuckled. Then, when he realised what he had said, he hastened to add, "Don't mean that in a kinky way though!" and winced. 

"Obviously." was the unperturbed response. "Afghanistan or Iraq?" 

Baffled, John ripped his phone from his ear and stared at it. What...? Where had that come from? Had he been recognised by that guy? No, impossible, at no point had John mentioned his name. Completely anonymous. Who was this man with that baritone voice? No one John knew came to mind. He’d _definitely_ remember _that_ voice!

"How?" he asked then with a hint of suspicion but much more curiosity. 

"Your confidence about being at her majesty's service in connection with the way you use your voice, your language, the intonation with that slight tilt, indicating a long time spent abroad in a different culture." the strange but also strangely likeable man rattled off. "Furthermore, insomnia, even though that in itself isn't that specific. However combined with the fact that you're young...well, still in your thirties at least..." 

"Oi!" John protested but the man didn't interrupt his monologue. 

"... you're well educated, not actually self-conscious but insecure to go out for some reason, otherwise you wouldn't be calling a mediocre phone sex hotline. Most likely also means you're living alone, without much money, so probably not yet that long in the place you currently live in, which by the way seems to be sparsely furnitured too, judging by the reverberation. You're already bored with a need for company but no overly urgent sex drive, at least not at the moment. Still you chose to call this line anyway, apparently desperate for at least some kind of interaction, which indicates mental issues. With the tendency of avoidance of attachment my guess is PTSD. Otherwise there'd be no logical reason for a man like you to be alone. Combined with the aforementioned indicators it's obvious really: soldier, probably injured in battle. Recently invalided home then. So, again...which is it? Afghanistan or Iraq?" The bastard had the audacity to sound smug. Well, he had any right to though. 

"That was... Wow. Correct on all accounts." John was at a loss for words. 

"Boring. Don’t state the obvious." the deep voice snarled.

John barked out a laugh.

"Afghanistan, by the way." he added, but a low hum on the other end of the line was his only reward. When the silence threatened to stretch for too long, John huffed, "Right. You’re not what I expected." 

"Then you haven't listened closely. The female operator would have been on line one."

"Operator?" John asked, amused. God, who was this guy who seemed to know everything but had no clue at the same time. For clarification he added, "Not what I mean." 

"Then what do you mean?" the guy asked hesitantly. 

"You’re...different." Wasn't it obvious? John wondered. 

"Yes , I’ve been told..." he sounded a bit distant now. Probably, he was used to that sort of acknowledgement. 

"I can imagine." John reluctantly said but couldn't help but add, "Fascinating. Yeah, quite...extraordinary, really." 

There was a pause John didn't know how to interpret before the incredibly dark sultry voice dripped through the speaker again. 

"Not what people usually say." Was there a tint of surprise? 

"What do people usually say then?" John was curious. 

"Piss off." was the flat out answer. 

From deep inside his belly rose a bubbling laughter; one of the kind John had almost forgotten existed. A deep warm chuckle from the other end of the line met his own glee somewhere in the middle of his place and wherever this ridiculous, mad, but fascinating man might be right now. As far as John knew it could be anywhere in Britain, even though the line was supposed to be located in London. And God knew what this "handsome hot guy from next door" actually looked like. Could just as well be an overweight retiree with greasy hair, pepping up his pension while lounging on his sofa in his sweatpants, sipping beer. A sexy voice didn't mean anything and goddammit, why did he even care? John frowned after the laughter slowly died down, surprised by himself. 

When after a short moment in companionable silence the man on the line picked up the conversation again, there was nothing left of the cold and apprehensive voice John had been greeted with in the beginning. 

"So, Captain, what else can I do for you? I assume this wasn't what had been your intention dialing this number..." the man said in an affectionate smooth purr that, for some reason, sent a rush of heat straight to John's cock and reminded him what had actually been the reason for his call. 

He cleared his throat, suddenly uncomfortable. This wasn't anywhere near as anonymous anymore as he had hoped it to be. On the contrary, this Scott bloke had seen him in a way not many people had in the recent past. Or ever. However, the guy didn't know John's name or anything else that could reveal crucial data about his identity, so he should be safe, right? Even more so, this was merely meant to be an experiment anyway. Nothing to lose...

"Right... True." he therefore croaked. Coughing away his hoarseness, he blushed for no reason.

"Uhm...okay then," the other man cleared his throat as well. "Are you sitting comfortably? Or lying down? Or whatever one does in this sort of situation?" 

John chuckled and all the nervousness was gone in an instant. Honestly, this man...

"Yes, sitting. Thank you." He couldn't hide the grin in his voice. 

"Good, then... Do you have lube on hand? To avoid chafing of your genitals, which would be quite uncomfortable — unless you're into that sort of thing." The rumbling voice offered. 

John's chuckle turned into a full-blown laugh. Surprisingly, his...genitals, as the man had said, didn't seem affronted in the slightest. Rather the opposite...

"No," he still laughed, "I mean... Yes, lube. No — no cock-chafing kink here..." 

"Good. I'm glad." Scott stated flatly. In the same voice he continued, "Then, next step, open your trousers if you even wear any and get your penis out."

"Seriously?" John couldn't believe his ears but followed lead anyway. Wow, what a relief, his cock had strained the front of his pants more than he had been aware of. How could he be this aroused already?

“Yes, of course.” The guy sounded irritated. “Wouldn’t it be vastly impractical otherwise?”

“Yes. No. Go on...” Who would have thought that calling a sex hotline would be this amusing...

“Great. So...now put your hand on your member...”

“Member?” John giggled.

“Well, do you want to continue this call or not?” Definitely annoyed now.

“Yes, yes... I’ll be quiet now. Sorry.”

“Well, make whatever noise you need to just don’t be an idiot.”

“I’m not!” John protested.

“Everyone is an idiot!” the man huffed. “However, you seem to be less of an idiot than the average population.”

“Oi...”

“What? Not many people can say that of themselves.”

“I’m not ‘people’!”

“Well — that might be true...” he sounded pleased. “Anyway... where were we? Oh, yes...”

Oh, right, phone sex... John shifted on his chair to get comfortable again and listened fascinated when the unintendedly seductive voice picked up again.

“... your hand on your...cock? Is that better?” It sounded like an honest question. John hummed affirmatively. Really, this man, one of a kind...

“Perfect. Now hold it in a tight grip and move your hand up and down, the amount of strokes depending on the state your...cock...is in at the moment.”

“Wow, seriously? Where did you learn that?” John chuckled and almost choked on his own spit when the man calmly and smoothly said, “Self-exploration.” 

Well, there was a thought. At least with his mind's picture of the man. He quickly shooed away every thought of the unsanitary elderly. Not with this voice — Jeez! Simply impossible!

“So, are you erect enough to proceed?” Impatience seeping into the voice.

John’s, despite everything, throbbing cock in his hand agreed, apparently just as impatient as the guy on the other end of the line. God, he had never felt this turned on by mere talk, especially with talk this far from sexy. What was wrong with him?

“Mmmhmmm, yes,” he hummed and wasn’t sure if he had imagined the sharp inhale at the other end of the line.

“Well then, go on and stimulate it the way you like best. I really don’t know why any of you would need help with that.” the man said a bit breathlessly.

Oh dear God, was he wanking himself? Jesus Christ, John closed his eyes and groaned. Not that he'd really need any further assistance at this point anyway, but — this couldn’t be over already, right? At least, he realised, he didn’t want it to be...

“Weren’t you supposed to talk to me about my kinkiest bisexual fantasies?” John teased.

“Dull.” was the clipped answer. “Not my area of expertise anyway.”

“Jesus Christ, you’re not really experienced in this, are you?” A sharp laugh escaped John’s throat despite his short breath. “How do you even keep this job with this kind of talk? Don't you send your clients running?”

“Not you though...” Scott murmured quietly.

“No, I guess not...” John admitted, stunned. It was true. He had to confess, he’d rather stay than run. But regrettably that wasn’t the deal, right?

“I have to say though that there might have been one or two complaints...” The smirk in Scott's voice was obvious even without visuals, which really was a pity.

“One or two?” John grinned to himself.

“Or more...” Scott sounded gleeful himself.

“That’s what I thought... So, people truly come back for your glorious sex talk anyway?” John chuckled, somehow convinced the man wouldn’t be hurt by it. 

“Honestly?” Scott somehow sounded pensive nonetheless. “No one has made it this far...until now.”

John was speechless, astonished.

“So, yes, if you want you could say I’m not very experienced with this...” For the first time Scott sounded a tad insecure then.

A short awkward silence fell between them. But rather than being put off John felt strangely honoured. And excited. Thrilled even, which his cock, still hard as a rock, could confirm. 

“So...do you want to go on?” The insecurity hadn’t vanished and John realised he also felt unreasonably protective of this peculiar stranger. 

“No, actually not, I think...” he therefore said to not expose his oddly lovable Mister What-even-is-dirty-talk any longer, only realising too late that that comment might have the exact opposite effect. So he hasted to add, “... but not for that reason! Not because of...you. It’s just — I guess for now I got what I was looking for.”

“Interesting.” And back was the confident deep rumbling purr. Holy Fuck, how was it possible for one word to send John’s hormones flying? Was he really that desperate? Well, he hadn’t been at the beginning of the call...

“Wait — No, not in a kinky way...” The words tumbled out when the implication of what he had said dawned on him. Quietly groaning to himself he wondered why he was embarrassed towards an employee of a kinky phone sex hotline. Why would he even care?

“No, I know.” His thoughts got quickly interrupted by that thrumming amused undertone again. “Just a fellow addict looking for the next hit.”

“Wait... What?” John frowned. What was that supposed to mean?

“Well then, thank you for calling ‘Our Nasty Bisexual Phone Sex Girls’. We hope you enjoyed the call and that you’ll get in contact again soon.” Scott rattled off all businesslike, but then added in that sultry velvety voice of his, “Hopefully the experience has been...satisfying for you. Or will be...” he purred and John swallowed hard. “It certainly was...my pleasure. I wish you sweet dreams, _Captain_." 

And the line went dead.

Dumbfounded, John stared at the phone in his hand. Jesus fucking Christ — what was _that_? He didn’t take long to further think about it though; didn’t even make it to his bed before his hand was flying over his cock and mental pictures of a handsome hot guy from next door were flooding his mind. That voice... GOD... That voice!!! That guy could bring him off just talking to him. A heady mix of adrenaline and endorphins rushed through his veins and sent John’s pleasure spiralling up and up until he came harder than he had come in ages, his release painting his trousers and the floor underneath his desk, even splashing some drops on the keyboard of his laptop; the website with search results for “phone sex London” still opened.

When he got his breath back, still not able to wrap his head around what had just happened, he looked at the mess he’d made and instantly knew he’d never be able to work on his laptop again without thinking of that voice. Well — that was going to be hard... Ha ha, funny, Watson. He rolled his eyes, then chuckled about the sheer ridiculousness of the entire situation. 

Only after cleaning up and getting ready for the night, already lying on his bed and slowly dozing off, he startled from his slumber with a jolt. How long had they even been talking? Fumbling for his phone, he picked it up from the night table and checked the outgoing calls — Fuck. That would cost him a fortune!

However, he couldn’t help but feel that it was all worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> As always I want to thank my otherwordly wonderful betas [Littleweedwrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleweedwrites/pseuds/littleweedwrites) and [Jobooksandcoffee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jobooksandcoffee/pseuds/Jobooksandcoffee) (go check out both their wonderful work as well). You two are always there for me, ups and downs, Loveis-craziness and Loveis-euphoria. I can't thank you enough for being my rocks and my kites and my cosy blankets!! I love you two to the moon and back!


End file.
